i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize