Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
