I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
