Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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