Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
do herpes really smell.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
