we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
