if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
