oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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