We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
