FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize