I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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