I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
