Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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