watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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