Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
