He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
