Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
