KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
