Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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