You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
