just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
