Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
