Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
