My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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