Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
