I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
