No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
