it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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