Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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