Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
