Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
