"it" just moved
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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