My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
