Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
