this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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