brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
