it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
