I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
