i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so let's talk penis.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
