DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize