Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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