Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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