Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
