While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
