how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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