Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
