I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
