i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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