sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize