I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
