I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
