I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
