You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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