I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
