youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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