just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
