every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
