dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
