names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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