She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
