I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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