you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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