I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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