she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
