I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
