pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
