I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
