i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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