guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
