SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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