I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
