not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think i have two assholes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
birth control should be required to get into college
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
