wat bout pragnant strippers??
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
