Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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