Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i think i just lost a toe
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