then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize