We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
