Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
