thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
