Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please don't give away my fajitas
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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