I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
