I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
