Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
