At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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