He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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