did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
