she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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