I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
