i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
