What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
